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2017年雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改「犯罪類」
犯罪類話題是雅思寫作的�？�，每年均出現(xiàn)3-4次，內(nèi)容涉及犯罪的原因，懲罰方式及懲罰的效果，如何避免犯罪等，因這類話題很多學(xué)生平時(shí)思考得比較少，因此不可等閑視之。下面是yjbys小編為大家?guī)?lái)的關(guān)于雅思寫作題材解析及習(xí)作修改的知識(shí)，歡迎閱讀。
雅思“犯罪類”題材考情分析
犯罪類話題是雅思寫作的�？停磕昃霈F(xiàn)3-4次，內(nèi)容涉及犯罪的原因，懲罰方式及懲罰的效果，如何避免犯罪等，因這類話題很多學(xué)生平時(shí)思考得比較少，因此不可等閑視之�？v觀近幾年雅思寫作，唐老師將最常出現(xiàn)的犯罪類題材歸納為如下幾類：
1. 青少年犯罪，包括：(1)青少年犯罪的原因及其解決辦法;(2)青少年犯罪是否應(yīng)該與成年人犯罪一樣得到懲罰;(3)青少年犯罪后是否該收監(jiān)，或者有其他的懲罰形式?
2. 一般犯罪的原因，包括：(1)人們犯罪的原因是什么?(2)犯罪是環(huán)境使然還是天性使然?
3. 一般犯罪的解決辦法，包括：(1)犯罪能否避免?(2)避免犯罪，最好的辦法是將犯人收監(jiān)還是對(duì)人們實(shí)施教育?(3)是否應(yīng)該控制電影和電視里的暴力鏡頭?
4. 其他，比如：出獄后的犯人能否成為教育青少年避免犯罪的典范?
雅思“犯罪類”題材經(jīng)典考題
1. A 14-year-old young who seriously damaged school was made to clean streets as a punishment. Do you think young criminals should be sent to prison or there are alternative forms of punishment? (2016.1.14)
2. Young people who commit serious crimes, such as robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015.04.25)
3. Some think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g. poverty and other social problems. Others believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.( 2014.11.8)
4. The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?(2011.5.9)
5. In most countries, prison is an effective solution to the problem of crime. Some people think it is a more effective solution to provide education for those who violate the law. To what extent do you agree or disagree?(2012.5.12)
雅思“犯罪類”題材習(xí)作修改
題目：Nowadays many individuals in our society behave in an anti-social way such as committing crimes. What are the causes of this? Who should take responsibility for dealing with it?
學(xué)生習(xí)作
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have devoted to fighting crime for a long time. In the past, the criminals murdered, robbed and stole. However, they commit economic crime through the internet now. From my perspective, several reasons probably lead to the rising amount of crime. Simultaneously, a series of solutions can be used to solve the problems.
The first cause is that many games or programmes which contain plenty of violence are available on the Internet or on Television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cards or banks and players even can kill pedestrians who just talk with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the global governments. As a result, it is not strange that so many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scene in the games or movies. Governments must strengthen the check of movies in order to reduce the opportunities that may motivate kids to commit a crime.
Secondly, people who are not well educated are more likely to commit a crime including robbing and stealing just for living. They have no choice but stealing because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs in the society. It is high time for government to take action and solve this problem. By publicizing the law through the media, people will be afraid of committing a crime. This is one part of the solution while the other part is teaching them skills to help them earn a living.
To sum up, I firmly believe that through these methods, the society will become more peaceful in the future.
評(píng)分：6
習(xí)作評(píng)論與修改
整體評(píng)價(jià)：總體來(lái)說(shuō)，寫得比較通順。內(nèi)容切題，原因分析有道理，而且論證也比較充分。句子寫作相當(dāng)正確，詞匯也能表達(dá)自己的意思。影響得分的問(wèn)題：(1)個(gè)別地方表達(dá)比較別扭，(2)個(gè)別地方的邏輯存在一定問(wèn)題，(3)結(jié)尾過(guò)于倉(cāng)促，沒(méi)有對(duì)前文進(jìn)行恰當(dāng)總結(jié)。
提高建議：(1)多練習(xí)如何結(jié)尾(如何總結(jié)前文要點(diǎn)，同時(shí)又不與第一段的表達(dá)重復(fù));(2)繼續(xù)保持目前的句子寫作水平，在語(yǔ)法不錯(cuò)、句意清楚的前提下盡量注意表達(dá)的地道程度(當(dāng)然，這個(gè)過(guò)程不會(huì)一蹴而就的，需要慢慢積累)。若想沖擊7分段，需要積累更多語(yǔ)言表達(dá)手段。建議按照目前的寫作方式繼續(xù)練習(xí)，改正一些局部錯(cuò)誤。沖擊7分段放在下一階段，不要盲目使用大詞或者長(zhǎng)句子，寫錯(cuò)了反而弄巧成拙。
第一段
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have devoted to fighting crime for a long time. In the past, the criminals murdered ,robbed and stole. However , they commit economic crime through the internet now. From my perspective, several reasons probably lead to the rising amount of crime. Simultaneously, a series of solutions can be used to solve the problems.
修改
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have made greater efforts to fight crime. Now there are not only people who murder, rob or steal, but also people who commit economic crime online. There are, of course, many reasons for this negative development, but from my perspective, two of them are probably the most immediate ones. Accordingly, we can take measures to solve the problem.
評(píng)析
(1) devote 的正確用法是：devote oneself to doing... / be devoted to doing..., 比如：
The government has devoted itself to solving the traffic problem.
The government has been devoted to solving the traffic problem.
(2) 原文(2)、(3)兩句是來(lái)論證第一句“世界上犯罪數(shù)量在增加”這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)的，語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤并不大，但給人的感覺(jué)好像是在比較過(guò)去和現(xiàn)在有不同類型的犯罪，這顯然與前文脫節(jié)了。修改文刪除了原文中比較的意味，表達(dá)出現(xiàn)在犯罪的花樣越來(lái)越多，這就與第一句的觀點(diǎn)吻合了。
(3) 原文several reasons是虛指，按照后文，僅提供了兩個(gè)原因，因此，這里要明確，就是兩個(gè)原因。在第一段結(jié)尾時(shí)，盡量明確，這樣全文的結(jié)構(gòu)才能清楚。
(4) Simultaneously 是漢語(yǔ)的“同時(shí)”吧?但這里，其實(shí)就是“相應(yīng)地”的意思，英文應(yīng)該是accordingly。
第二段
The first cause is that many games or programmes which contain plenty of violence are available on the Internet or on Television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cards or banks and players even can kill pedestrians who just talk with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the global governments. As a result, it is not strange that so many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scene in the games or movies. Governments must strengthen the check of movies in order to reduce the opportunities that may motivate kids to commit a crime.
修改
The first reason is that many computer games or movies containing violence are available on the Internet or television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cars or banks and the players even can kill pedestrians talking with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the local governments. As a result, many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scenes in the games or movies. In this case, governments should be more responsible when censoring such games and movies in order to reduce the opportunities for kids to commit any crime.
評(píng)析
本段寫得比較成功，修改較小。其中，governments must strengthen the check of movies, 表達(dá)不是很地道，修改為governments should be more responsible when censoring such games and movies.
第三段
Secondly, people who are not well educated are more likely to commit a crime including robbing and stealing just for living. They have no choice but stealing because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs in the society. It is high time for government to take action and solve this problem. By publicizing the law through the media, people will be afraid of committing a crime. This is one part of the solution while the other part is teaching them skills to help them earn a living.
修改
Secondly, people who have not received good education are more likely to commit a crime such as robbing and stealing just for a living. They have no choice because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs. For this kind of people, government ought to, one the one hand, tell them that anyone who commits crimes will be punished, and on the other hand create opportunities for them to learn some survival skills to earn a living.
評(píng)析
(1) include是列舉完所有內(nèi)容時(shí)使用，such as是舉例。比如：
There are three members in my family, including my dad, mom and me.
People commit all kinds of crimes such as stealing, robbing and murder.
(2) 本段講教育程度低的人可能犯罪，但是原文提到的第一個(gè)建議居然是給這些人宣傳法律讓他們害怕犯罪，這個(gè)建議似乎不太符合邏輯，應(yīng)該緊緊圍繞提高他們的教育水平，交給他們生存技能來(lái)提建議。這里的問(wèn)題是思維邏輯方面的(雖然不算大錯(cuò)誤，但可能會(huì)影響得分)
(3) 本段最后一句的表達(dá)不太地道。如果需要提出兩個(gè)方面的建議，可以使用we can do...on the one hand, and do...on the other hand這個(gè)句型結(jié)構(gòu)。
第四段
Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.
修改
To sum up, what is responsible for the increasing number of crimes includes the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty. If government takes effective measures to change the situation, I firmly believe the world will become more peaceful in the future.
評(píng)析
原文結(jié)尾過(guò)于倉(cāng)促，沒(méi)有對(duì)原文進(jìn)行恰當(dāng)?shù)目偨Y(jié)。也可以使用如下句型進(jìn)行總結(jié)：
To sum up, the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty contribute to the increasing number of crimes.
To sum up, the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty are the two major factors behind the increasing number of crimes.
To sum up, the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty are the two reasons why there are more and more crimes today.
修改后全文
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of crime all over the world although the police have made greater efforts to fight crime. Now there are not only people who murder, rob or steal, but also people who commit economic crime online. There are, of course, many reasons for this negative development, but from my perspective, two of them are probably the most immediate ones. Accordingly, we can take measures to solve the problem.
The first reason is that many computer games or movies containing violence are available on the Internet or television. For example, a game called Grand Theft Auto is about robbing cars or banks and the players even can kill pedestrians talking with their friends. Such a bloody and violent game has not been banned by the local governments. As a result, many teenagers become criminals just by mimicking the scenes in the games or movies. In this case, governments should be more responsible when censoring such games and movies in order to reduce the opportunities for kids to commit any crime.
Secondly, people who have not received good education are more likely to commit a crime such as robbing and stealing just for a living. They have no choice because they do not learn a skill which can help them find jobs. For this kind of people, government ought to, one the one hand, tell them that anyone who commits crimes will be punished, and on the other hand create opportunities for them to learn some survival skills to earn a living.
To sum up, what is responsible for the increasing number of crimes includes the negative effects of violent movies and computer games as well as poverty. If government takes effective measures to change the situation, I firmly believe the world will become more peaceful in the future.
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