英文笑話段子帶翻譯五則
一場特殊的足球比賽
Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."麥克上學遲到了。他對布萊克老師說：“對不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因為我在夢里觀看了一場球賽�！�"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher. “為什么它會讓你遲到呢?”老師問道。"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.“因為這兩個隊都沒有能力獲勝，所以就持續的時間長了。”麥克回答說。
他贏了
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎?Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
小心有狗
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去后，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問店主�！笆牵褪撬�，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑�！拔矣X得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒�！�
智力缺陷
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
“醫生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對于一個看上去很正常的`人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了�！薄澳且獑柺裁礃拥膯栴}呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎?坦率地說，我對歷史了解的不是很多�！�
他什么都沒聽到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什么問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�早上都在家啊。他說他什么都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她�！班�，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問�！拔艺煞虻男轮犉鳌�。
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