英語笑話（精選11個）
笑話一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一種民間口頭創作形式,在民間文化中以口口相傳的形式傳播。以下是由小編整理的英語笑話，歡迎閱讀!
英語笑話 1
A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外國游客到美國大西部游覽，碰到一個印第安人把耳朵緊貼在地上。
"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在聽什么呢?"他詢問道。
“為了向你表示謝意，我送你一只龍蝦�！闭f著他便給老板一只活蹦亂跳的大龍蝦。
"Well, thats very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我將以它當晚餐�！�
"Oh, hes already had dinner. But I am sure hed love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已經吃過晚餐了，但我想它會喜歡看場電影�！�
英語笑話 2
The mourners pain
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
英語笑話 3
Three Surgeons
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
"Thats nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."
"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horses posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."
三個外科醫生
三個有名的'外科醫生正在吹噓他們的技術�！耙粋�人斷了一只手，他來找我，”一個說，“如今那個人是個音樂會的小提琴手。”
“這算不了什么，”另一個說�！耙粋�家伙兩條腿斷了，他來找我，我將它們接了回去。如今，那人是馬拉松選手�！�
“我比你們兩個都強，”第三個說，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的車禍。除了一個馬屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都沒有留下。如今，那人坐在美國參議院里�！�
英語笑話 4
情人來電
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一個男人坐在那兒看報紙,他的老婆用煎鍋打他的頭。
"那是為什么?",那人問道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答說,"這張紙上寫的名字珍妮,我在你的褲子口袋里發現的"。
那人說:"我上周看比賽,珍妮是我下注的那匹馬的'名字。"
妻子道歉,繼續做家務。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看電視,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎鍋打他的頭,他頓時失去知覺。
等男人恢復了意識，問他老婆為什么打他了。
她回答說:"你的馬打電話給你"。
英語笑話 5
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子們在天主教學校的自助食堂中排隊打午飯。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的'前端有一大堆蘋果。修女寫了一張字條，把它貼在了蘋果盤上：“只能拿一個，上帝在看著�！�
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
繼續排著隊向前走，在桌子的盡頭有一大堆巧克力脆餅。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一個孩子寫了張字條：“隨便拿，上帝在看著蘋果�！�
英語笑話 6
解決難題
Some friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.
我和一位朋友來到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一個我最喜歡吃的巧克力奶油圣代。當女招待送來我的冰淇淋時，我發現我的.冰淇沐是香草的。我說:“我要的是巧克力的。”
The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. Ill take it back and get chocolate."
那位年輕的女士查了一下訂單回答說:“你確實要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再給你拿一個巧克力的。”
“Never mind，”I said.”I dont like to see anything wasted."
“沒關系，”我說:“我不想浪費東西�！�
"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "
“這兒什么也浪費不了，”女招待堅持說:“我們吃掉自己的錯誤�！�
英語笑話 7
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一個被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的'律師。
A:If I lose this case, Ill be ruined.
如果我輸了這場官司，我就完了。
B:Its in the judges hand now.
這事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會不會起點作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldnt even smile ai the judge.
哦.不會的!這位法官很固執，非常注意職業道德。這種花招只會讓他對你產生偏見，他甚至會認為你蔑視法庭。事實上，你甚至都不用對他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一個有利于被告的判決，當被告離開法院時。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
謝謝你關于雪茄的忠告，這很管用。
B:Im sure we wodd have lost the caae if youd sent them.
如果你送了的話，我肯定會輸掉這場官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的確送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.Thats how we won the case.
對，這就是我們會贏這場官司的原因。
B:I dont understand.
我不明白。
A:Its easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiffs business card.
這很簡單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。
英語笑話 8
不必再看眼科醫生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己經很多年沒做眼睛檢查了。我妻子總是催我去掛個號。她越是督我，我越是耽擱不去。最后，她替我掛了個號。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去見醫生的`前一天，我的情緒特別好。我對妻于又是親又是抱，還說她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."
她說:“這回眼睛沒問題了，那我現在就去把號退了�！�
英語笑話 9
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman.
“Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.”
【譯文】
你知道我是干什么的嗎?
一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡 衣就跑了出來，趣味英語：笑話三則。 兩個人站在外面，看著大火。
“在我出來之前，”其中一個說：“我跑進一些房間，找到了一大筆錢。人在恐懼中是不會想到錢的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會把它燒成灰燼。所以我把我所能找到的`鈔票都拿走了。沒有人會因為我拿走它們而變得更窮�！� “你不知道我是干什么的�！绷硪粋�說。 “你是干什么的?”
“我是警察�！�
“噢!”第一個人喊了一聲。他靈機一動，說：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道�！本煺f。 “我是個作家。我總是愛編一些從未發生過的故事�！�
英語笑話 10
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
【譯文】
誰是最懶惰的
爸爸：杰克，我今天已經和你的老師談過了，現在我想問你，誰是你們班上最懶的人?
杰克：我不知道，爸爸
爸爸：你再好好想想，當別的'同學都在讀書寫字的時候，誰楞在那兒僅僅是看著其他人?
杰克：是我們的老師，爸爸
英語笑話 11
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?”
Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”
Father：“A convert，my son.”
【譯文】
什么叫叛徒?
有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?”
父親(一位老資格的'政治家)：“叛徒指的是離開我們黨而加入到另一個黨的人，中小學英語《趣味英語：笑話三則》�！�
有希望的青年人：“那么，離開他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?”
父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子。”
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