新概念短篇英語笑話

時間：2020-10-13 10:33:16 英語笑話我要投稿

新概念短篇英語笑話大全

　　小心有狗!

新概念短篇英語笑話大全

　　As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

　　一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去后，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。聽到這個回答，陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。你帖那個告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前，大伙老被他絆倒。”

　　在天堂結婚

　　A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

　　一對年輕的夫婦在去結婚的路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。于是，他們來到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子問是否她還可以和丈夫結婚，圣徒彼得告訴他們，關于這個問題他一有了結果就會回來找他們。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回來了，并且告訴他們可以在天堂結婚。妻子又問：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”圣徒彼得看著她，回答說：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個律師嗎?”

　　點名

　　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

　　大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。隨后他緩步走上講臺，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”為了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢。”

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。于是，湯姆去看醫生，醫生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說，“那藥真管用，我的'睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　她懷孕了嗎?

　　A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

　　有個婦女去看病，為她診治的是一名年輕的醫生。檢查進行了大約四分鐘，她哭著跑了出去，在走廊里面一邊跑一邊大叫著。一位老醫生攔住了她，問她發生了什么事，婦女告訴了他事情的經過。聽她說完，老醫生讓她坐在另一間屋子里放松一下，他自己穿過走廊來到新醫生的辦公室：“你是怎么搞的?特里太太今年63歲，她的四個孩子都成年了，還有7個孫子孫女，可是你居然對她說她懷孕了?”新醫生繼續做著他的紀錄，眼皮都沒抬一下：“她現在還打嗝嗎?”

　　代課教師

　　A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　代課教師試圖運用她的心理學知識。開始上課時，她說：“誰覺得自己很愚蠢，請站起來。”小約翰馬上站起來了。老師問：“為什么你覺得你很愚蠢呢，小約翰?”“我不覺得我很蠢，只是我不愿意你一個人站在那!”

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