超級搞笑的英語笑話（精選12個）
在日常的學習、工作、生活中，大家一定沒少看笑話吧，笑話故事的主旨是教人勇敢、熱情、善良、樂觀、慈愛，反對卑鄙、怯懦、邪惡、虛偽。還記得都學過哪些笑話故事嗎？以下是小編整理的超級搞笑的英語笑話，歡迎閱讀，希望大家能夠喜歡。
超級搞笑的英語笑話 1
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.
Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
圣誕節前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的`政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級飯店一同等電梯，門還未開前，三人同時看到地上有一張新臺幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰會將它撿起?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
答案：當然是圣誕老人啦!為什么?因為大家都知道另外兩者并不存在。
超級搞笑的英語笑話 2
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
“What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner
圣誕佳節到來，法官心情愉悅的問受刑人：
“你做了什么壞事啊?”
“我今年圣誕節購物早了些�！狈溉嘶卮�。
“那并不事件壞事”，法官說：“到底多早之前啊?”
“商店開門之前�！狈溉舜鸬�。
超級搞笑的英語笑話 3
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus!
相信圣誕老人的`存在。
不相信圣誕老人的存在。
自己是個圣誕老人!
超級搞笑的英語笑話 4
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judges eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write I went through a red light five hundred times."
在中西部一個大城市的交通法庭里,一位年輕女士被帶到法官面前,她由于開車闖紅燈被開了罰單.女士向法官解釋,她是一名學校老師,請求法官馬上處理她的案子,以便可以趕回去上課.法官眼中閃過一絲狡黠,說道：“你是學校的老師,對嗎?女士,我馬上要實現我畢生的'愿望了.在那張桌子旁坐下,寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍.”
超級搞笑的英語笑話 5
The Umbrella
A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had put on the handle a card on which was written: "This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes." When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was written,"This card belongs to a man who can run tenmiles an hour. I shall not come back."
雨傘
一位住在旅館的紳士把他的雨傘放在了大廳里，不過他在傘柄上系了一張卡片，上面寫道，“此傘屬于一位能舉百磅的紳士。我將在十分鐘內回來。當他回來時，發現雨傘已經不翼而飛，取而代之的.是另一張卡片，上面寫著：“此卡是一位一小時能跑十英里的人留下的，我將永遠不回來了�！�
超級搞笑的英語笑話 6
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的'小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧?”
超級搞笑的英語笑話 7
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "Im here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."
"Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "Im here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.
一個律師與一個工程師在加勒比海邊釣魚。律師說：“我到這里是因為我的房子被大火燒了，保險公司賠償了我所有的損失。”
“這太巧了，”工程師說，“我是因為房子被洪水沖垮了，保險公司也賠償了所有的損失�！�
律師看起來有些困惑，“你是怎么引起洪水的？”他不解的.問。
超級搞笑的英語笑話 8
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
一個人正在看報紙，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他問道：“干什么？”
She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.
她說：“我在你口袋里發現了一張寫有‘Betty Sue’的紙條�！�
He says, Jeez, honey, Betty Sue was the name of the horse I bet on. She shrugs and walks away.
他說：“哎呀，親愛的，‘Betty Sue’是我賭的那匹馬的名字�！彼柫寺柤�，走了。
Three days later hes reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
三天后他正在看報紙，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他問：“又干嘛？”
She answers, Your horse called.
她答道：“你的.馬打電話來了�！�
超級搞笑的英語笑話 9
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isnt very nice， is it？” “No， it isnt very nice， but its very useful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”
一個小男孩和他的父親正在鄉間行走，突然下起了大雨。 他們沒帶傘，加上四下無處可以躲雨，所以很快他們渾身上下被淋濕了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他們在雨中朝家走去，有好一會兒，那個男孩一直在思索著什么。后來終于他朝父親轉過臉去，問他說：“爸爸，為什么天會下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，湯姆�！备赣H回答說�！袄咸鞝斚掠甏偈沽藶槲覀兯秤玫乃褪卟说纳L，同樣也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生長�！� 湯姆對父親的.這番話想了一會，然后說：“那么，父親，老天爺為什么還要把雨下在路上呢？”
超級搞笑的英語笑話 10
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
超級搞笑的英語笑話 11
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
兩名士兵
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的�！彪S即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的`信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
超級搞笑的英語笑話 12
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
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