精選幽默爆笑的英語笑話
粗心的理發員
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Customer: No.
Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.
理發員：你進來時是不是系著紅圍巾?
顧客：沒有呀。
理發員：噢，那我肯定弄破了你的喉嚨。
A maintenance man in a cemetery
He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物，我叔叔下面有1000個人。他真是一個大人物。干什么的'?墓地守墓人。
你以為你是誰?Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
公共汽車上很擠，當又一個人還是試圖上車時，乘客們不讓他上。
“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰?”
“我是司機!”他說。
把腳放進去
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle, and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply.
"Yes, Madam?" questioned the pupil, "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴厲地叫她。
“什么事，老師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來，把腳放進去。”
拿破侖病了
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
杰克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，校讓他退學。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓杰克繼續來年的學業。“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說，“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答，“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”杰克的父親說，“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙，我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”
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