英語笑話爆笑大全簡短
你看過什么爆笑簡短笑話大全嗎？生活是非常無聊的，偶爾我們需要一些調劑品幫助我們的生活變得愉快，笑話就是很好的調劑品。英語笑話不僅能讓您心情愉快，并且在娛樂的過程中還可以學到更多的英語知識。下面小編為您整理英語笑話爆笑大全簡短。
英語笑話爆笑簡短1
兩塊蛋糕
Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
兩塊蛋糕
湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!
I do not recognize you
Walking on the beach one day he saw a crab1, went to see what happens, suddenly crab pincers(鉗子) folder2, then crab bush run. Tiger jumped the pain, followed by the recovery of crabs3!
Catch up with no trees on the crab, and then to see a tiger in Shou Network spiders, tiger angry at Spider: Good you a crab! Do you think you posted on the Web and I do not recognize you!
一天老虎在沙灘散步，見到一只螃蟹，就走過去想看個究竟，突然被螃蟹的鉗子夾了一下，螃蟹拔腿就往樹叢里跑。老虎痛得跳起來了，緊接著就追螃蟹!
追到樹叢就不見螃蟹了，這時老虎看見一只守在大網中的蜘蛛，老虎對著蜘蛛發火了：好你個螃蟹!你以為你上了網我就不認得你了!
A Smart Parrot 聰明的鸚鵡
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
有個人去寵物店買鸚鵡。在那里，他看見有只鸚鵡的左腿被紅線系住，右腿則被綠線系住。對此他感到不解，于是他問該店的老板，老板回答說：“這只鸚鵡受過特殊的訓練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語，拉綠線，它則講德語�！�
這個好奇的人接著問，“要是我兩條線都拉，會怎么樣呢?”
“我就會掉下來了，你這個傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫著說。
Not so fast 別那么急嘛
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.
Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"
"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."
一只豬和一只雞路過一所教堂，那里有一場盛大慈善活動正在進行著。
在精神上收到觸動的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個人作出點自己的貢獻。
“好主意!”雞尖叫道，“讓我們給腿和雞蛋吧?”
“著什么急”豬不耐煩地說，“對你來說，是一個貢獻，對我來說，這是一個完全的獻身�！�
The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛
A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
一個鄉下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛后，就準備點火烤著吃。火點著了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅殼的深處，同時還發出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發出的噓聲，便說：“你們這些連命都快沒有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時吹口哨呢?”
Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭論
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
一個小女孩和她的.老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。
她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因為盡管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小�！�
那個小女孩說約拿(一位西伯來先知)就是被鯨魚吞掉的。
她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的�！�
那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿�！�
她的老師問：“那么，假如約拿下了地獄怎么辦?”
那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他�！�
英語笑話爆笑簡短2
The Choice of Word選詞
One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.
During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.
一天下班回家，約翰發現妻子在搖半歲的女兒，嘴里反復念道：“爸-爸。”約翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子選擇了“爸爸”這個詞首先教孩子。
幾周后的一天夜里，約翰和妻子被一陣哭聲驚醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，親愛的�！逼拮诱f，然后翻身竟自睡了。
who want to go to heaven
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人�！�
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