爆笑英語小笑話
幽默，是智力過剩的表現，笑話就是它完美的表達。下面是小編整理的爆笑英語小笑話，僅供參考，希望能夠幫助到大家。
爆笑英語小笑話 1
1、Im Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了嗎?”
“沒有，老師�？墒悄阕蛱煺f你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面�！�
2、“Im sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boys tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元!為什么?不是說好只要4美元�！�
“是的，但是你的`孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了�！�
3、TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理�，F在，誰給我舉個例子?
約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
4、Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She
watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現在你知道外語的重要性了吧�！�
爆笑英語小笑話 2
1、Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”
左邊的'商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”
中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。
2、Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興�！杯偼饬�，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。
瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�
“這里只有親屬可以探望病人�！弊o士長說。
“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高興認識你，”護士長說，“我是他的母親�！�
3、Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的�！彪S即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
爆笑英語小笑話 3
1、Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個月
第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫問。
“十八，長官。”約翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”
2、West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父親、哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉了轉，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的.學員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝�！昂米屛覀兊膬鹤又�，如果他到西點軍校來學習會得到什么�！�
一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學員，問她是否愿意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什么。”
3、Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送給女友的禮物
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它�！�
4、Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重許愿
一對結婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶�；顒又�，一位仙女出現了。她說，由于他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手�！皡�!”的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。
接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人�！�
仙女拾起了魔術棒�！皡�!”，他變成了90歲。
5、Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
森林之火
一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來�！�
“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”
爆笑英語小笑話 4
two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
"look," said the elder brother. "how nice these paintings are!"
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
"yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. where is the father?"
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
the elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "obviously he was painting the pictures."
哥哥想了一會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄�！�
爆笑英語小笑話 5
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "Ive bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I cant wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "Id better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有個女人給她的丈夫買了生日禮物。
她很激動，并且急于要告訴她的`丈夫。她說：“親愛的，我買了兩樣東西給你做生日禮物。我現在就要告訴你，因為我等不得到那一天才說。一件禮物是一個地墊，可以放在我的梳妝臺前。另一件是一個青銅的小雕像，可以放在客廳的壁爐架上”她還說：“好啦，你準備給我買什么呢?”
她的丈夫想了一會就說：“我最好是給你買一個刮胡刀和幾條領帶。這樣我們就可以互相交換禮物了�！�
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