簡單幽默英語小笑話

時間：2020-10-21 10:00:02 英語笑話我要投稿

簡單幽默英語小笑話

　　會講笑話的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁癥的`可能性就大為減少，接下來一起來看看簡單幽默英語小笑話，看看你的幽默指數吧!

簡單幽默英語小笑話

　　簡單幽默英語小笑話一：The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

　　There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

　　So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

　　And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”

　　The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.”

　　The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.” The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

　　So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said “Karate my ass!”

　　簡單幽默英語小笑話二：First Operation

　　Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

　　The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

　　The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

　　The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

　　The first kid says, "A circumcision."

　　And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

　　簡單幽默英語小笑話三：New And Improved Barbie!

　　Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

　　Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

　　Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

　　Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

　　Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

　　No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

　　Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

　　Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer)is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

　　Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

　　Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

　　Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

　　簡單幽默英語小笑話四：Who Signed the Declaration of Independence

　　A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?"

　　He said, "Damn if I know."

　　She was a little put out(激怒) by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.

　　Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe.

　　She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"

　　"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know."

　　The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern(嚴厲的) finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"

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