職稱英語選讀文章：English is a Crazy
1.Let's face it-English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,which aren't sweet,are meat.
讓我們接受現實吧--英語是一種瘋狂的語言。茄子(eggplant，字面意為雞蛋植物)里并沒有雞蛋，漢堡包(hamburger，字面意為火腿夾餅)里也沒有火腿。同樣，菠蘿 (pineapple，字面意為松樹蘋果)里既沒有松鼠也沒有蘋果。松餅(English muffin，字面意為英式松餅)并不是英國人發明的，而炸薯條(French fries，字面意為法式油炸食品)也不是法國人的發明。“甜肉”(sweetmeat)指的是蜜餞，而“甜面包”(sweetbread)不是甜的，它指的是牛雜碎。
2.We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings arc square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why it is that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,why isn't the plural of booth beeth? If you have one goose,two geese,why not one moose,two meese,or one index,two indices?
我們理所當然地接受了英語的一切，但是如果我們分析一下英語中似是而非的情況，我們馬上就會發現“快的沙子”(quicksand，流沙，也只陷阱，困境)往往走得很慢，“拳擊的圓圈”(boxing rings，拳擊場)是方的，“幾內亞豬”(guinea pig，天竺鼠)既不是來自幾內亞，也不是豬。還有，既然名詞作家(writers)去掉詞尾的rs 就可以成為動詞“寫作(write)”，那為什么名詞“手指”(fingers)、雜貨店(grocers)、錘子(hammers)去掉rs就不能成為各自相應的動詞呢?如果牙齒的復數是teeth，那為什么售貨亭的復數不是beeth?一只鵝我們用goose，兩只鵝用geese，那么，一只駝鹿用 moose(單復數同形)，兩只駝鹿就應該是meese了?為什么一條索引是index，兩條索引卻成了indices?
3.Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,or that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,what do you call it?
如果你賠償時只能賠償復數不能賠償單數，這是不是很莫名其妙?你可以梳理歷史的編年史，為什么卻不能復習某一個單個的編年史?如果你有一堆麻煩，那么在你把其他的都解決了只剩下一個的時候該怎么說呢?
4.If teachers taught,why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables,what does a humanitarian eat?
如果教師教學是taught，那為什么傳教士不是praught?如果素食主義者(vegetarian)吃蔬菜(vegetable)，那人道主義者(humanitarian)吃什么?
5.Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell; park on driveways and drive on parkways?
有時候我覺得根據英國人說話時瘋狂的用詞可以將他們送進精神病院。哪一種語言人們可以在一出戲中朗誦，在朗誦中玩(分別指演戲和開獨唱會)?用卡車運船，用船運貨(分別只用卡車運輸和用船運輸)?鼻子可以跑而腳可以聞味道(分別指流鼻涕和腳有臭味)?車可以停在駕駛路上，而且在停車路上駕駛 (driveway從字面上理解是駕駛路，parkway從字面上理解是停車路)。
6.How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,while a wise man and wise guy are opposites,and quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
為什么一個苗條的機會(slim chance，指沒機會)和一個肥胖的機會(fat chant，也指沒機會)意思是一樣的，而一個聰明的人(wise man，聰明人)和一個聰明的'家伙(wise guy，自作聰明的人)卻意思相反?為什么相當多(quite a lot)和相當少(quite a few)意思一樣?(實際上quite a lot和quite a few都是相當多的意思。)為什么天氣可以熱的像地獄也可以冷得像地獄?(as hell字面意思像地獄一樣，指非常)7.You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down,in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
7.你不得不對這種精神病一樣的語言表示驚奇，在這種語言中，你的房子在被燒下去(burn down，意為燒為平地)的同時又被燒上去(burn up，意為燒起來，燒掉)。你用填出來(fill out，意為填寫)的方法填進去(fill in,意思也是填寫)一個表格。鬧鐘在走(go on)的時候響(go off)了。
8.English was invented by people,not computers,and it reflects the creativity of the human race. That is why,when the stars are out,they are visible,but when the lights are out,they are invisible. And why,when I wind up my watch,I start it,but when I wind up this essay,I end it?
英語是人而不是機器創造出來的語言，它反映了人類的創造性。這也是為什么當星星出來的時候，我們是看得見的，當陽光出來(out)的時候是看不見的。同理，我“處理”我的手表之后，它就開始(走)了;而我“處理”完這篇文章后，它卻結束了。
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