初中英語笑話故事
1、Englishman
Once， late at night， an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room， but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing，" the Englishman answered imperturbably， "It’s simply that my room is on fire."
一個英國人
一天晚上，一個英國人從他住的旅店房間里走出來。來到走廊上，叫旅店的服務員給他拿一杯水來。服務員按他的要求做了。英國人回到了他的房間里，幾分鐘后他又來到走廊上，讓服務員再給他送一杯水。服務員又給他送了一杯水。每隔幾分鐘。英國人就走出房間重復他的要求。半小時之后.這位感到驚訝的服務員決定問問房客要這些水干什么，英國人不謊不忙地回答：”沒什么.只不過是我的房間里起火了。“
2、There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.
曾經有一個完美男人和一個完美女人，它們邂逅于一個完美的聚會。完美的約會持續了兩年，然后他們舉行了完美的婚禮，并度過了完美的蜜月。之后他們有了兩個完美的孩子。
一天，完美男人和完美女人駕著他們那完美的轎車出行。他們在路邊看到一個精靈，由于他們是完美男女，于是他們載了精靈一程。
由于完美男人和完美女人載上了精靈，他們不知何故發生了交通意外。其中二死一生。
猜猜誰過世了而誰活了下來?
當然是完美女人活了下來，因為完美男人和精靈根本就是虛幻的。
3、When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
喬治35歲時買了架小型飛機，并開始學習駕駛。不久，他就能很嫻熟地駕機做各種各樣的特技飛行了。
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
喬治有個朋友名叫馬克。一天，喬治主動邀請馬克乘他的飛機上天兜一圈。馬克心想，“我乘大客機飛行過好幾次，還從來沒有乘過小飛機，我不妨試一試。”
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
升空后，喬治飛了有半個小時，在空中做了各種各樣的飛行特技。
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
后來他們著陸了。馬克很高興能夠安全返回地面。他用顫抖的聲音對他的朋友說：“喬治，非常感謝你讓我乘小飛機做了兩次飛行。”
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
喬治非常吃驚地問：“兩次飛行?”
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”馬克答道。
4、Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
5、One evening I drove my husband’s car to the shopping mall.
On my return， I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house， I called out."The woman who loves you the
?most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said， "Mom’s here?"
哪一位女人?
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，
回來后發現車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。”
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了?”
6、Funny Health Quotes - Funny Quotes about Health
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Turns out we've all been eating the wrong thing...since the dawn of civilization!
My father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He had it before it became popular.
How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry lonely women, you'll be dead soon.
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long because I am too inhospitable a host.
I don't jog. If I die I want to be sick.
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish, ... You know what you should do? Combine them ... eat a penguin.
健康趣話
----讀有關健康的書籍要小心，你可能死于印刷錯誤。
----有一天健康狂熱者會發現自己很愚蠢，當他們躺在醫院里一無所獲地死去。
----肌肉來了又走，肥肉卻堅持到了最后。
----我的醫生最近告訴我慢跑可以增加我的壽命，我想他是對的，因為我已經覺得自己得到了十年(老了十歲)。
----如果我知道我會活那么久，我應試好好照顧我的身體。
----好象我們一直在吃錯誤的東西----自從進入了文明社會。
----我父親在我十幾歲的時候死于癌癥，那時候癌癥還不那么流行。
----為什么我能保持健康和少年時的英俊，很簡單，我喝年輕的逃亡者的血。
----新的研究結果表明，婚姻美滿的女人得心血管疾病的.可能性要小于未婚女人，所以，單身女人，不要再為自己操心了，你們不會活太久的。
----嚴重的疾病都不會打擾我太久，因為我是個很不好客的主人。
----我不慢跑，如果要死的話，我希望死于疾病。
----他們告訴你最健康的食物是哪兩樣?是雞和魚----那你應該怎樣做?把兩樣合并起來----吃企鵝。
7、One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin' on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says 'Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?' To which the other woman replies, 'Oh that's nice, that's real nice.' The first woman then says , 'And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises.' The second woman again replies, 'Oh that's nice, that's real nice.' 'Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?' 'Oh', the second woman responds, 'When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school.' 'Why'd he do that?' the first woman asks. To which the second fine southern woman replies, 'Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jewellery their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I don't give a freak, but now I say that's nice, that's real nice.'
一天，兩位漂亮的南方女士坐在前門廊里，喝著冰茶。
這時其中一位女士伸出她的手，向另一位女士展示，并用她拉長調子的南方口音懶洋洋地說：“看看這個戒指，是我丈夫送給我的，很漂亮吧?”
另一位女士回答道，“哦，不錯，真地很好。”
第一位女士接著說，“就在上個月，他還帶我去了加勒比海旅游。”
第二位女士再次回答，“哦，不錯，真地很好。”
“喂，寶貝，你丈夫給你買過好東西，或帶你去過漂亮地方嗎?”
“嗯”，第二位女士回應道，“當我們剛結婚時，他送我去了禮儀學校。”
“為什么他要這樣做呢?”第一位女子問道。
第二位漂亮的南方女士回答道，“哦，你看，以前，當有人向我講述那些她們丈夫買的珠寶或曾經旅行過的地方時，我只會說那毫不奇怪啊，但現在我會說不錯，真地很好。”
8、There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.
曾經有一個完美男人和一個完美女人，它們邂逅于一個完美的聚會。完美的約會持續了兩年，然后他們舉行了完美的婚禮，并度過了完美的蜜月。之后他們有了兩個完美的孩子。
一天，完美男人和完美女人駕著他們那完美的轎車出行。他們在路邊看到一個精靈，由于他們是完美男女，于是他們載了精靈一程。
由于完美男人和完美女人載上了精靈，他們不知何故發生了交通意外。其中二死一生。
猜猜誰過世了而誰活了下來?
當然是完美女人活了下來，因為完美男人和精靈根本就是虛幻的
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