長篇英語笑話2則
誰想去天堂 who want to go to heaven
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊�，正生氣的`看著他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”
他正在給你刮胡須 He's shaving you
Stopping in an unfamiliar barber shop for a shave, a young playboy took a fancy to the manicure gril and suggested dinner and a show that evening.
the girl demurred," I don't think I ought to, I'm married."
"Why don't you ask your husband," the playboy suggested." I'm sure he wouldn't object."
"You can ask him yourself ," the girl srugged." He's shaving you."
一位年輕的花花公子在一家不熟悉的理發店里刮胡須，他很喜歡修指甲的女郎，于是提議哪天晚上去吃晚餐和看表演。
女郎猶豫著說：“我覺得我不應該去，我結過婚了。”
“你何不問問你先生，”花花公子建議說：“我確定他不會反對的。”
“你可以自己問他，”女郎聳聳肩道，“他正在替你刮胡須。”
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