詼諧幽默極品英語笑話

時間：2020-10-28 13:53:57 英語笑話我要投稿

詼諧幽默極品英語笑話

　　他什么都沒聽到

詼諧幽默極品英語笑話

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的'工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什么問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄€早上都在家啊。他說他什么都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。

　　風采依舊

　　Chaucer was over seventy, but he was not convinced of his age.

　　At a time he boasted: "My physical strength is as strong as that I was young."

　　The opposite person asked: "What do you rely on?"

　　Chaucer said: "There is a big stone roller in my compound. I couldn't heave it when was young, neither can I now."

　　喬叟年過六旬，仍不服老。

　　一次，他對人夸耀說：“我和年輕時力氣一樣大。”

　　對方問：“何以見得?”

　　喬叟說：“我家大院里有個碌碡，年輕時我舉不起來，現在我還是舉不起來。”

　　我是全國最大的說謊者

　　Stranger: Catch any fish?

　　Fisherman: Did I! I took forty out of this stream this morning.

　　Stranger: Know who I am? I'm the game warden.

　　Fisherman: Know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the state.

　　陌生人：釣到魚了嗎?

　　釣魚者：我是誰?一早晨我就在這條小溪釣到了40多條魚呢。

　　陌生人：你知道我是誰嗎?我是這里的漁獵執行官。

　　釣魚者：那你知道我是誰嗎?我是全國最大的說謊者。

　　她要買什么

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

　　一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說：不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：當然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨。然后經理把店員拉到一邊：千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么，說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F在你說她要買什么? 雨，店員說。

　　智力缺陷

　　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

　　“醫生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對于一個看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問什么樣的問題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎?坦率地說，我對歷史了解的不是很多。”

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