英語短笑話大全爆笑
總是有些時候莫名其妙的不開心，心情不佳的時候就會辦什么都不在狀態，你會這樣么?這里小編收集整理了英語短笑話爆笑，讓你的心情速速好起來。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇1
Teacher: When was Rome built?
Tom: At night.
Teacher: Who told you that?
Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.
老師：羅馬是什么時候建成的?
湯姆：在夜里建成的。
老師：誰告訴你的?
湯姆：是您啊。您說過羅馬不是在一個白天建成的。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇2
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."
沒關系
我趕著開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯注:在一些國家如英國,其交通規則是車輛左行的,與我國相反)�！鞍∴蓿币庾R到犯了錯誤，我說�！拔覄偛殴諒澥沁`章的。”
“我想那沒關系的，”女兒回答說：“我們后面的警車也同樣拐了彎�！�
英語短笑話爆笑 篇3
A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing.
To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"
英語短笑話爆笑 篇4
A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild, something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable,and puts the tape in the VCR.
To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tapebut static," she says.
"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.
"Head Cleaner."
英語短笑話爆笑 篇5
懶惰的結果
Mother: Why were you kept after school today, Johnny? Johnny: Teacher told us to write an essay on "The Result of Laziness", and I turned in a blank sheet of paper. 媽媽：約翰尼，你今天放學以后為什么被留下了? 約翰尼：老師叫我們寫一篇題為《懶惰的結果》的作文，我交了一張白卷。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇6
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.
在購買我的第一部CD唱機時，我能夠解讀推銷標記上面的大多數技術語言。但是有一個標示卻讓我頗為迷惑，于是我叫過銷售商，問道：‘混合脈沖D/A變換器’是什么意思?它的意思是，她說，這個機器能夠讀CD碟上加碼的數字信息，將它轉換成聲音信息-也就是說，轉換成音樂。換句話說，這個CD唱機能夠播放CD碟。正是如此。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇7
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch(故障) arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(贊助人，主顧) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub(涂抹，涂料) of brilliant red.What's this? exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.That's it, replied Hogarth.But, where are the Israelites?They are all gone over.Where are the Egyptians?They're all drowned.
一天，有人請這位偉大的畫家畫一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現了問題�；舻纤拱l現，完成這幅畫后，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的`錢。當作品完成之后，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂涂抹的一片鮮紅。這是什么?那位買主喊了起來。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。這就是，霍迦斯回答說�？墒且陨腥嗽谀膬�?他們都已經渡過去了。埃及人在哪兒?他們全都淹死了。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇8
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"I'm the people. All I do is pay."
英語短笑話爆笑 篇9
A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening!”
A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him!” said another.
Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”
He bent and whispered to her, “Well,er???er???Miss Rose, er???he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening!”
英語短笑話爆笑 篇10
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition
if I Am a Manager
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.
英語短笑話爆笑 篇11
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.""To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."
在一次晚餐聚會上，一位靦腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想對女主人說一些好聽的話。機會總于來了，女主人轉向他說：“瓊斯先生，您今晚的飯量太小了�！薄白谀磉�，”他殷勤的說道，“任何男人都會失去胃口的。”
英語短笑話爆笑 篇12
Speeding 超速
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
因為旅行推銷員為了謀生需要拜訪盡量多的客戶，所以超速飛車趕場對于他們來說也不是沒有過的事情。有一次我就因為超速度行駛被一個公路巡警攔了下來�！澳阌袥]有看過你的時速表？”那名警官責問。當我的回答一出口，我立刻后悔了，但已經太晚了�！败囬_得越來越快”，我如實地說，“我的眼睛得一直盯著前面，沒敢看別的”。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇13
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
英語短笑話爆笑 篇14
it's me all right
A pretty young lady went to cash a check at a bank. The teller examined it, then asked, "Can you identify yourself? “Looking puzzled, the girl dipped into her handbag and pulled out a small mirror. She glanced into it for a moment, then smiled, "Yes, it's me all right."
這就是我
一位年輕漂亮的女士到銀行取錢。出納員在檢查了她的存折后問道：“您能證明您的身份嗎？” 這個女孩聽了這話以后看上去很迷惑，隨后她從手提包里拿出一個小鏡子。她對著鏡子照了一會兒，笑了：“對呀，這就是我。
現在的專欄不用權限就可以任意加入了,但是也發亂七八糟的了.請在此發貼的人,看清楚了好不好?
英語短笑話爆笑 篇15
款待Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
我是新澤西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡邏一條海濱的路線，幾乎每天都能碰上與父母走散的孩子。
一天下午，我發現一個小孩獨自站在那里，顯然是迷了路。我先是設法取得他的信任－我帶他到附近的冰淇淋攤給他買了一個蛋筒。過了很長時間，也沒看見他父母的影子，所以我就準備打電話叫輛巡邏車將他送回總部去。我告訴他站在那里別動，我去電話亭打電話。當我回來時，卻發現他不知道到哪兒去了。
警車很快來了。一名警察問我小孩在哪里。我感覺自己傻極了，說自己弄丟了一個迷路的小孩，該多丟人啊！但我還是告訴了警察們所發生的一切，并描述了一下小孩的長相�！澳阏埶粤耸裁�？”一名警察問。
“一個冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦？”
“因為，”那名警察說，“那個小孩住的地方離這兒只隔幾個街區。而你大概是新警察中幫他買東西吃的第五個傻瓜蛋！”
英語短笑話爆笑 篇16
Three Men in a Boat
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. "Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends. "In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!" "Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
三人同舟 三位男子在公園的長椅上坐著。中間的一個在讀報紙，另外兩個在假裝釣魚。他們給想象的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，并卷線把魚抓上來。 一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個景象，他問中間的那個男子是否認識其他兩位。 “喔，認識，”他說，“他們是我的朋友。” “那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這里弄走。” “好的，警官�！蹦悄凶踊卮鹫f，接著就開始瘋狂般地做起劃槳的動作來。
英語短笑話爆笑 篇17
compliment
"larry! come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " i”ve just had a call from mrs. harrison about your behavior to her doris at the school dance last night. you wretched, rude boy!"
"i was nice to her, mum, really i was!" protested the youth.
"i even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
"did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "and what exactly did you say?"
"i said, gosh, doris, you sweat less than any fat girl i”ve ever danced with!"
恭維話
"拉里，你過來!"媽媽放下電話后生氣地說，"我剛才接到哈里森夫人地電話，她告訴我你在昨晚的學校舞會上對多麗絲行為不好，你可恥，粗魯!"
"媽媽，我對她很好，真的!"小伙子不服氣地說。"當我和她跳舞時我還說了一句恭維她的話。"
"你真的這么做的嗎?"媽媽嚴厲地問。"你的原話是怎么說的?"
"我說，啊呀，多麗絲，你比我跳過舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少!"
if i am a manager
one day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition.
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